“But I don’t feel old!” That common American lament urgently needs a bit of clarification. Now when I hear it, I plan to respond: “What do you think old should feel like?”
Is it being grumpy? Decrepit? Mind closed to new ideas? Bent over in constant pain? Yelling at kids to get off of their lawn?
What specifically is it that an “old” person should feel but you don’t?
I wrote those first few paragrahs weeks ago. They feel more urgent this week – an especially tough time to feel positive about aging in America. What does “old” mean now? It’s become almost synonymous with the decline of Joe Biden, who no longer seemed physically and mentally up to his job and was convinced to step down for a younger, more energetic candidate.
But there’s another part to that story.
“Old” was also the political power and skill of a formidable ex-Speaker of the House, who Politico reported was instrumental in Biden’s decision: “Senior Biden aides were bracing for former House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.), who’d worked behind the scenes to encourage others in the party toward the kind of collective action that might finally push the president to end his campaign. . . . ‘Nancy made clear that they could do this the easy way or the hard way,’ said one Democrat familiar with private conversations.”
Pelosi is 84 years old – 3 years older than Biden.
The main image we got of “old” last weekend was a declining president who stepped aside. The story of the immensely skilled, key party elder who helped engineer that transition remains mostly untold.
We’ve heard a great deal this week about voters hating the idea of two “elderly” candidates – not only because of specific physical and cognitive shortcomings, but for the general sin of not being young enough. We internalize these messages, often without realizing just how much negativity toward getting older seeps into our subconscious.
I’m currently much closer in age to Kamala Harris than Joe Biden, but that’s not the point. If I have good fortune, good health, and a long life, I don’t want to view my potential future self as merely destined for decline and irrelevance. I want to celebrate my remaining birthdays and other milestones, not dread them.
However, we can work on changing our views of aging. The first step, experts say, is to become aware of our culture’s all-too-frequent one-sided, negative view of getting older.
A non-ageist society respects adults across all age groups for what each can contribute. President Biden gave voice to that in his farewell address last night: “There is a time and place for long years of experience in public life. But there is also a time and place for new voices, fresh voices, and yes, younger voices.”
When there’s only one office at stake, we need to choose. In the culture at large, though, we can and should value both.
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