Work friends – like school pals – come in varied flavors. There are:
People you meet on a job who become friends outside the office. These are the friendships that expand well beyond your shared employment, and can last for decades after you stop working together.
People you feel a close bond with over work, but the relationship is mostly work-focused and doesn’t spill over into your non-work life. You might go out for lunch or after work, but you’re rarely together at things like family celebrations that have no connection to your shared employment.
Colleagues you enjoy interacting with about work, but who are less central to your work experience.
All three of those friendship types add richness to our lives - even those who will never become lifelong buddies. Casual interactions too can help ward off isolation and loneliness.
What happens to work friendships when work stops?
When you change jobs, you likely lose contact with most of your more casual connections at your old workplace but form other work relationships at the new job. When you retire, though, there’s no longer a workplace structure to help you form new bonds with strangers as your old relationships fade.
I’m still pretty early in my journey to figure out what that means, since I’ve been retired for less than two months. But I’ve been exploring a couple of key questions surrounding the end of a good chunk of my weekday social interactions.
What if anything should replace work socializing? Some people find volunteer work or part-time jobs to be good ways to re-create an organizational structure that offers opportunities to find friends. Others find new connections in community groups, religious organizations, senior centers, and other such organizations. Many re-kindle older non-work social connections that withered due to lack of time and energy. Some people find spending more time with their existing, non-work social circle of family and friends to be fulfilling and don’t feel the need to seek out more. Still others keep in touch with one-time colleagues post-retirement as a meaningful part of their new selves.
Should I try to maintain and grow relationships with work friends I hadn’t connected with outside of work? Or is that trying too hard to hang onto my former “working self” instead of forging someone new?
On the first question, I’m tentatively exploring thoughts about where I might want to get involved, but it feels too early to make long-term time commitments. So far I’ve mostly focused on seeing people in my existing social circle more often and catching up with people I’ve long wanted to see but hadn’t been able to arrange. I didn’t fully realize how little time I spent socializing with family and close friends the last few years. As an introvert, I didn’t expect having so much more time to spend with family and friends would feel so good!
As for the second issue, I think I can honestly say I’ve done some reaching out because I want to, not because I can’t cope with no longer working. A few former colleagues have even reached out to me, which was much appreciated.
Even just emailing with some work friends has been nice, despite occasional pangs about missing the gang (if not the work). And when I’ve been able to connect with people in person, it’s been enjoyable, at least for me. Every time!
I’m not sure how long casual work ties can last – or should last. But I’m learning to live with uncertainly – about this and a lot of other things. Like many people going through a major life transition, I’ll just feel my way forward as best I can.
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