Is it Scary to Be Alone With Our Own Thoughts?

‘The unoccupied mind can be a feral beast,’ writes Chris Hayes. While not about retirement, his article raises some interesting points for people either considering leaving the workforce or newly retired.
Reflections
Author

Sharon Machlis

Published

January 19, 2025

Along with worries about finances and health insurance, one of the top reasons Americans put off retirement seems to be fear of boredom. People who thrive with structure and built-in socializing sometimes wonder what they’ll do all day without full-time work.

But being uncomfortable without something to do plagues Americans of many age groups, not just those mulling retirement. “The endless diversion offered to us in every instant we are within reach of our phones means we never have to do the difficult work of figuring out how to live with our own minds,” writes Chris Hayes, the MSNBC TV anchor (but this isn’t about either news or politics).

He cites a 2015 research paper that found some people actually gave themselves electric shocks to stave off boredom.

This fear of being alone with our thoughts seems to be worse in the era of smart phones and social media, but Hayes points out it didn’t start then. Philosophers have been writing about it for centuries. But while it didn’t start in the the current era, it does seem to be cultural. There are, he notes, indigenous societies that don’t even have a word for boredom.

Somewhat related: A lot of Americans not only can’t handle doing nothing, but glorify constant motion. So what if it makes us miserable?

Look at those entrepreneurs working a hundred hours a week at their start-ups. They’re important! “Successful”! Look at those old people sitting on a bench in the park, gazing at the pond. They’re unimportant. Has-beens.

Old.

There’s nothing wrong with working hard. I’m glad I had a career, and I’m proud of it. It’s only a problem if you’re never able to downshift. It’s impossible to stay physically or mentally healthy if you’re on adrenaline all the time. There’s a difference between good (occasional, enjoyable) stress – for me, that was writing an important story on deadline – and bad (relentless) stress.

I still want to craft a life with adrenaline and excitement and fun. But I don’t want to need that 24 x 7. That’s not a recipe for happiness, but for burnout.

So yes, it’s important to have purpose and meaning in our lives. But that’s not the same thing as being unable to sit still. How many of us – even unconsciously – look down on people who aren’t constantly on the go, or at least did so when we were working full time. I see now that I was one of them.

This is pretty important to figure out if you’re planning to give up working full time. Either you fill your retirement hours with a busy schedule (which is fine if it makes you happy), you become miserable without your full-time job (definitely not fine), or you learn to change your pace and be comfortable not always being “productive” or distracted – despite the cultural cues around us.

“You can’t busy yourself out of boredom or amuse yourself out of it,” Hayes writes. “Neither work nor constant entertainment provides a solution.” To be happy – either in retirement or while working – we need to be comfortable spending at least some quiet time with our inner selves.


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